robyn getting good karma
Blogging when you are in a bad mood is always a good idea. I woke up this morning in my new apartment, on the couch because I don’t officially have a room because my friend Peter who was so nice to let me stay with him may or may not being leaving the island so I’m sleeping on the couch until he figures out what he is going to do so I can figure out what I am going to do. It is great though to be out of the old house and closer into town. Ok, so I woke up this morning in a bad mood. My friend Christine in college used to wear a tiara when she was in a bad mood, well I don’t have a tiara on this island but I do have a cute dress. So I’m wearing a cute dress and a baseball cap, that coincidentally Christine gave to me, to hide my messy hair and the fact that I haven’t washed my hair. A shower would probably make me feel better, but sometimes its good to be in a funk.
Let’s be serious, my life is actually pretty great, but I’m allowed to have a bad day now and then. Sure I’m pretty, witty and bitchy most of the time, but on the whole I’m usually in a good mood. A little feisty, but not too bad, sweet to the core, rough around the edges. Crap, this is beginning again to sound like an online profile for a dating site again. The other night after I talked to my two good girlfriends, Liz and Courtney, via skype for 2 and a half hours I decided to check out that online dating site that I had joined before I moved down here. I got a few emails just from being on for 5 minutes and received some emails, asking if I wanted to go out for a drink or something. Such a freaking tease, I told them all that I was in Honduras and really couldn’t go out in Boulder for a drink on Saturday night because I’m here. Only one guy got a little touchy about it and said, why does your profile say you live here if you live there. Whatever Boulder’s home. Anyway, yes, I live a charmed life.
Yesterday after moving my shit, remember I’m a bit in a pissy mood- my shit, out of Noelle’s house and down to the dive shop I met up with my new best friend down here Robyn. Robyn is amazing; I can’t believe she is leaving in just three days. That’s how it works down here you meet amazing people and then they leave or you leave. (Ok Jacquie, stop complaining.) Robyn met the love of her life here and now is making the move to Norway to be with her beau. It’s a romantic story; their story intertwines the movie/book “The Notebook”. They met here back in the early summer and traveled back and forth between here and there to be together. One night Robyn makes her beau watch “The Notebook” and prefaces the story by saying that it’s a chick flick, but he loved the movie. Later while on one of their rendezvous traveling he gives her a gift, it’s a book, it’s a story of them. Ok girls start gushing. So romantic and then at the end of the story of them he asks her to marry him. Wow, there really are amazing guys out there. So she’s moving to Norway to be with him and start their own grand adventure through life. Robyn and I have a bit in common but we’ve got to similar places but on different routes. Since she’s making the move to another country we have talked about her running shoes. Metaphorical Running shoes of course. When something might be too much for you and you run away, you don’t’ want to deal with something or how you are feeling and in your mind you think I don’t think I can handle this and you run away. I definitely had to analyze myself before I came down her to make sure I wasn’t running away, although again my life in Colorado was charmed, I am on an adventure. So, I told you I was in a bad mood right? My fucking ear still feels clogged, I think the perforation might be healed but the gunk is still in it. I can’t hear that well, which after a while gets so frustrating. I just want to be back in the water again. It’s hard to be in such a beautiful place, where all your friends dive and everyone dives and your purpose being here is diving and you can’t freaking dive. A friend recently told me that this place can be your grave if you let it. Doing things here, working, diving is essential so that you don’t get crazy, so that this place doesn’t become your grave. Well, my running shoes are out. I’m going crazy. A few weeks ago there was this crew in town. A crew from a luxury yacht that is cruising around the world. Unfortunately one of the girls who was a steward on the boat got canned and the crew who became friends with Robyn has been trying to get her to go and join the crew. She obviously is not going to do it, but she did say that it would be a great adventure for me. Oh it would. To see the world, to make a lot of money. Sure it’s tight corners, but you get to see the world on a boat. Well, last night Robyn and I had a bit too much to drink and started chatting up this guy who is a chef on a boat that is here for a month and then off to who knows where. The three of us are talking and it was like this door opened with maybe running shoes that I could go on this boat and that I could do this and then come back to Roatan and finish my DMT later. I’ve had some bad luck here; Malaria and ear infection- but overall it’s been great and I’m just in a bad mood, but the idea of escaping or doing a new adventure sounds thrilling. The door is open for now and my life changing flashed before my eyes. What should I do? Of course, as Robyn tells me I’m more of a tea and pearl necklace girl than a hippie.
I am always attracted to the hippie guys. The stoners, the live your life man, the go out and experience stuff guys. But I might be a tea and pearl necklace type of girl instead of the hippie chick. The tea and pearl necklace type of girl likes high heel shoes, she likes pretty dresses when she’s in a bad mood, she likes eating at nice restaurants and drinking good wine, she likes going to the museum or to a concert, she’s a girly girl who loves being a girl and loves the fine things in life. She likes having afternoon tea with girlfriends (iced tea spiked with champagne of course) while wearing her pearl necklace that is an heirloom from her grandmother. My grandmother loved the finer things in life and loved to travel, I got a few of my good and bad habits from her. But I guess I’m also a hippie girl. The girl who likes to camp, hike, ski, fly fish with her dad and has dreams of doing a motorcycle trip across the US, free as a bird, free like the wind and the crazy aung. I can be both, I can be many different things, I don’t have to be one or the other. I do think my tea and pearl necklace girl is shining through right now because the hippie girl has been taking over too much right now.
So boys, boys also make me in a bad mood sometimes. I talked to the mystery guy for a while yesterday. Of course, he’s a bit of a stoner (who’d a thunk it?) and he’s smitten over his girlfriend. Boo, well yay for him, but boo for me. If I were totally a hippie chick maybe it wouldn’t matter, but I’m a tea and pearl necklace type of girl when it comes to old fashion values. I’m still the sweet girl even though I’m a bit of a troublemaker. It’s the balance between the good and the bad? Or maybe, not to get too philosophical but maybe it just is and figuring out who you are. I’ll come back to the boys a bit later, but lets talk about philanthropy and philandering.
Yesterday was a beautiful day, an absolutely beautiful day. In the afternoon I rounded up Mo and we met up with Robyn at Half Moon bay in front of Sundowners to cool off and enjoy the hot weather before the storm came. Max and his grandma and his great grandma and his great uncle were at the beach too. His greats are visiting from Holland, his “ohme” or grandma lives here. Max always cheers me up, maybe after writing this blog I’ll go and hang out with him for a bit. Anyway, Robyn and I are tanning ourselves and chatting when I tell her that when I grew up I always wanted to be a philanthropist. Of course, I also wanted to be a hand model, not like totally into being a hand model,but I honestly thought that I could be one some day and then when I got a scar and broke my thumb for about the 8th time my hopes and dreams were dashed. I think I was seriously upset about it for a few years, but never really told anyone. Of course, I blame my best friend squarely for that. Sabrena’s older brother loved comic books and whenever they would go to the comic book store her mom would buy her the Katy Keene comic book. Katy Keene was so a tea and pearl necklace girl. She was a model who had a very glamorous life. Katy had a little sister with red hair named “Sis”. Well “Sis” admired her older sister and wanted to be just like her, but she wasn’t as old or as beautiful to be a model. Somehow at such a young age I identified with “Sis” and one comic strip Katy got “Sis” a job to be a hand model. I’m sure that’s why I always thought that the hand modeling business would be something I would be good at. Well, long story short, Mo was actually a hand model back in Holland. As for the philanthropy, I told Robyn I wanted to be a philanthropist when I grew up and she said she had always wanted to be one too. But, as things turned out we became more of philanderers than philanthropist. We just need to find our thropist and get rid of the derers. Ok, silly joke, but it makes me smile. We had a great time at the beach and we look over and next to Sundowner’s they are preparing for a wedding. Robyn, the soon to be bride, goes over to help and I tag along. A wedding on the beach. So beautiful, we arranged the alter for the bride. The bride was there trying to do it all herself, and I’m sure Robyn and I got good wedding karma by helping her out. I should be pretty good at helping with weddings just by being a bridesmaid or a maid of honor more times than I think I should say. (I am so lucky to have amazing girlfriends who I am close with you have found amazing guys and have included me in their special day, I’m lucky very lucky. Not bitter, I promise.) Anyway, Robyn and I helped put the alter together for the perfect beach wedding. We got cut flowers from the hotel across the road and made it as beautiful as we could with the resources that we had. The wedding, of course, was nothing like a wedding back at home. It was small, low budget. No florist, just her bouquet. A simple wedding on the beach. A little philanthropy for the day?
Well, later my derer side (remember philanderer?) came out. I saw the Fish guy out and I could tell that something wasn’t right. He’s a great guy, but he’s just not for me. I had told him when we first started this thing that it wasn’t like I was going to marry him. He was very worried about hurting me, because he is older and because he has this lady who has changed a bit of her life to come down to Roatan and live and perhaps to be with him. It was fun while it lasted, but like most things it had to come to an end. The end was a bit like it started, honest and straightforward. A new thing for me and good for the moment. He said, well I think I’m going to go home by myself. I looked at him and said are you afraid of hurting me? Well, it’s more that he’s excited about this other lady and the potential is important for him right now. I guess I’ll just have to philander some place else J, ok that was a low blow of course and I’m a tea and pearl necklace girl. I could tell that Fish was feeling bad about the whole thing so I told him my Aphrodite story. I think at first he thought I was trying to change the subject but in the end he got it. So for my last birthday I decided to have a toga party. I had never been to a toga party before and thought what the hell, why not. So I asked, ahem told, my best friend Courtney and her husband Todd that I was going to have a toga party at their house for my birthday. They love me and I love them so they let me have the party, as long as I cleaned up in the morning. I got the idea initially because my good friend Anne had been reading a book that someone had recommended to her while she was sobering up called the “Goddess Within”, at least that’s what I think it’s called, my brain has a hard time of remembering things word for word (I’ve never been able to quote books or movies word for word). So, Anne started telling me about Persephone the goddess she felt she recognized the most within her at that moment. Similar stories and similar gifts. I thought about me and who I would be most like and it took me all of 2 seconds to tell Anne, I’m totally Aphrodite. She of course agreed. Aphrodite is the goddess of love and beauty. She was married to Hephaestus, who was the god of technology, metallurgy and fire. Hephaestus was the brother of Ares and son of Hera and Zeus (although some stories say he was the son of just Hera), kinda a boring dude. Well, Athena- the goddess of knowledge and philosophy refuses to marry Hephaestus and Aphrodite is made to marry him. Aphrodite, like many of the gods and goddesses was a complete philanderer. She had many lovers Adonis, Achilles, Ares and she was the muse of many. The goddess was fickle like most of those gods of her time. I’m pretty sure she had something to do with the Trojan war and many other fiascos. Pushing people together, getting involved herself and then ultimately making love win in the end. Well, the sad and beautiful thing about Aphrodite is that she had one true love, Ares. They battled over time cheating on one another, causing issues for all the people around them, but ultimately I think that Ares was her one true love. Of course at my party Courtney’s husband Todd was Ares, but he’s not my Ares. I do have my Achilles heel, who I think might be my Ares. But he could just be my Achilles, it’s still early in my story. I told this to Fish to let him know I’d be ok and also because it’s true, I am surrounded by love. A lot of people have found their loves around me or without me being there. Ex boyfriends have seemed to find their soul mates after me, I’m like a good luck charm. I’m Aphrodite.
And as I write this I’m less in my funk. I think it’s working. The love is shining through, after all the best part about life is love. The meeting people who fall in love, the preparing a wedding alter for people you don’t know, hearing how people fell in love. If you can’t have love, maybe you can write about it? Ok, that’s going back to being negative nelly. All you need is love.
chase and i giving some west side love
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