Dumb and Dumber and the Chica

Complete fucking fiascos in paradise

The story starts with the crash.  I was over at Uwe and Dorte’s new place checking it out (they moved from their old place because the landlord started going crazy and said that they had to stop kicking down the tiles in the bathroom), we were out on their deck drinking rum and waters and we heard a crash.  Uwe says, “that’s fucking brilliant”; he kneels down to get a better view and then says “its fucking Chase.”  Chase and Kala got into an accident with the road, apparently as Chase says, they were on their way to the Half Moon to get some afternoon rays and there were shadows, he slowed down and hit a pothole- they crashed.  We yell at them to come up, while noting that they seem alright because they are standing up, but instead they ride off home in embarrassment.  So Kala and Chase were out of the water for a few days, just some road rash no broken bones, they were very lucky in more than one way.

The next day or maybe the day after (it’s hard to keep track of days while you are in paradise) Nick, who owns the Dive with Olaf, sends us two Americans and one of their “girlfriends” to do an open water certification.  “Girlfriend” because although the one guy, we’ll call him Jim, calls his girlfriend “amor”, he has limited Spanish vocabulary and she, the chica, only speaks Spanish no English.  Oh love.  Well Jim and Jeff (his friend) tell us that they are quick learners because they have had a lot of military training and can speed through the course, no problem.  They are here with their other friend from the states and two other “girlfriends”.  By the way the girlfriends are in their early twenties, all from la Ceiba and don’t speak-a-da-english.  The guys are in their forties to fifties and overweight.

Well they finish the paperwork, watch the video for chapter one in open water (the girl watches the video in Spanish of course) and we gear up to do confined water 1.    Also to note, Jeff has limited use of one of his limbs, which we discuss with him how he can manage with his handicap.  People dive all the time that have handicaps; deaf people, mute people, people with one appendage or whatever.  Well, PADI should also put on their medical form something about being dumb being as a handicap on the Medical Release form.   So Mo instructs them as I assist and translate in my “Spanish” to la chica.  Cough, cough, whore.  Jeff is asking questions over and over, normal of course for learning a new thing but he seems to have the memory of a goldfish.  Jim is ragging on Jeff and Jeff responds by ragging on Jim.  We descend for the skills.  For you non-divers there are signals for underwater.  We went over the signals a few times before we descended but being submerged in water seems to make dumb and dumber forget quickly.  Mo does the signal for you watch me as she had told them on the surface, as she is doing the first skill Jim decides that he should do it at the same time.  Mo tells him to stop underwater.  She shows them again, YOU WATCH ME.  

you

watch

me

Jim tries to do it again at the same time that she’s doing it.  Finally, about the third try of the first skill Jim lets Mo show them what they are supposed to do.  Then Mo asks Jim, now you try.  Jim starts the skill, but forgot an important step, which again is normal for beginners.  She signals to him do it over.  He takes her signal to mean: now you do a somersault.  Jim completes a perfect somersault underwater with so much precision; he doesn’t touch the surface nor the bottom while completing this gymnastic feat.  Mo looks at me with her wide eyes and we both try not to laugh too much or drown from laughing.  Finally Mo gets Jim to understand that he must do it again, he completes the skill.  Next is Jeff’s turn.  He looks at us like what the fuck am I supposed to do now?  Mo points to the girl for me to complete the skill with her while she shows Jeff the skill again.  The chica performs the skill very well for a beginner.  We do more skills, always the same scenario.  Jim tries to do the skill with Mo instead of watching first, Jeff has no idea what he is supposed to do and the chica does the skill well.

the signal for do it over again, not do a somersault

They are all on a bit of a tight schedule, but assure us because of their previous training they will study and catch on quickly.  As we leave the confined water the boys are taking a piss out of each other and the chica is complaining that she’s cold, she has to piss and everything is so heavy.  Dorte is running around West End trying to get the chica a Spanish book and buying the guys the book as well.  We decide to do Open Water Dive 1.  Nick decides to do the dive with us, since he hasn’t dove since August and has been itching since he’s been back.  We brief dumb, dumber and the chica as Nick gets in the water.  Nick has had 100 dives and is very comfortable with it all.  Kala is watching us from the Blue Marlin and tells me later that we were at the surface for a half hour before we began the dive.  Ugh.  The real adventure begins below.  I take the Chica down, she quickly acclimates and is doing pretty well.  Jeff and Jim are a different story.  Up, down, up down.    Mo takes Jim and I take Jeff.  Jeff swims, no doesn’t swim and stands up straight kicking his fins and waving his hands.  For 30 minutes I try and push him down while we are swimming, show him over and over how to swim.  Try pushing a 280 lb man with limited use of one of his limbs down for 30 minutes on limited air.  Freaking exhausting!  At one point Jim and the chica pop up to the surface as I’m trying to pull them both down.  I look at Mo who is 20 feet below me with exasperation and signal cancel the dive!  We get up to the surface, I see the boat about 200 meters away and there is a strong current.  I tell them that we should go back down, not as deep though.  Back below Jim keeps popping up at the surface as I try and pull him down.  I had put more weight on him before but he really likes the surface.  We finish the dive and the guys are amazed.  They love diving.  It was so much fucking fun they say.  FML.

We get back to the shop, they are talking smack to one another.  The chica really liked the diving.  We get them all books, the chica’s in Spanish of course and tell them to read Chapters 1, 2, & 3 for the next day.  The next day we will do the bookwork, some quizzes and then do more confined water in the morning and then another dive in the afternoon.  They are on a tight schedule remember?  The guys say of course, no problem, blah blah blah.  Well the next day do you think they came prepared?  Hell fucking no.  Sorry, don’t mean to cuss so much, but I’ve been a little stressed lately.  Well the next day they come in.  No they didn’t read.  They can read at the shop right?  No worries, they can get it, easy peasy.  The chica didn’t read either.  All morning long the boys sit in the classroom reading chapters one and two and do the reviews.  The chica?  She has more important things to do, she talks on her phone, talks to her friend who comes over while pretending to read.  Lunchtime comes and she’s read Chapter 1.  The guys have finished 2.  She hasn’t even done the review.  I review with her in Spanish, luckily we find an instructor who is a local and speaks Spanish to help.  I can check her work, but if she doesn’t get something I don’t know if I can explain it all.  By end of the second day, the chica has finished Chapter one, she has done the review and test for one and has finished reading Chapter 2 and watched the video for 2.  The guys have faired better.  They finished 1, 2, and 3; chapters, reviews, videos and test.  Chica has to study that nite to catch up so they can complete the course.  They might not finish the course because now they have only 2 days left and are flying on the 3^rd day that means no diving 12 hours before that.  All day long the guys are shooting the shit and giving each other shit.  Jim comes up to Dorte and me and says, “I really want to finish the course.  Anyway we can push me through?  Jeff is really slow, he’s my friend but kinda stupid.”  Dorte and I come up with a plan, Kala’s wounds from the accident are better so she might be able to dive the next day.  We figure stuff out and then Jeff walks up to me and Dorte and says I want to do what Jim is doing.  “I want to be just like him.”  Children, no children are better behaved then them.  So he’s complaining and Dorte and I just tell him that he needs to figure it out with Jim.  Then Jeff tells us when they are actually flying out and there is no way Jim can finish like we had planned.

Oh, also that day we had another group of divers.  A very nice couple, their guy friend and his “girlfriend”.  The “girlfriend” doesn’t speak English and he barely speaks Spanish.  She luckily had just finished her open water certification in Utila.  They are all very nice, but what are the chances of so many working girls at our shop at one time.  Same situation, older American dudes who barely speak Spanish, the girl no English and learning to dive… are they doing a special in la Ceiba?  It was like hooker week this week at Tyll’s Dive shop.  The two female divers and the one girl’s friends pop in whenever they like.  A brothel, not a dive shop is what it seemed like.  Hookers have been infiltrating West End.  Later on that nite we went to play darts at Sundowners and another hooker walks up and tries to solicit her services while Kala and I are hanging out with 3 of our guy friends.  Hookers everywhere.

Well the next day, they must have studied right?  Yes, the chica studied.  Jeff is ready, but Jim does not show up.  Mo says that her husband told her that the night before Jim was at the Blue Marlin acting strange and drinking all nite long.  I’m pretty sure he was drinking and doing pills because he had said something about pills the day before.  Eddie said that he was really, really weird all night.  Pills and drinking are a big no-no, but so are hookers in foreign countries especially one with such a high HIV rate or hookers in general, well, whatever.   Jeff says he tried to wake up Jim, the chica tells me she tried too, but he’s not coming.  No diving today for him.  Most of the morning we finish chapter 2 and 3 and the reviews and test with the chica and then in the afternoon are ready for confined dives 2 and 3.   The confined with Jeff again were like the first one… “what the hell am I supposed to do?”  The chica did well again, but at the end said again “I have to pee, I’m cold, this is too heavy.” 

That day at the shop again we had the other group with the other chica.  But a bit of a fiasco in the morning happened.  Our boat captain the night before had gotten a big tip and spent most of the night pissing the night away.  He came in a bit borracho, yelled at Dorte and then quit, came back asked for more money to pay a bill and then came back again and said no I don’t want to quit.  We got Rino to captain the boat that day.  All is good the next day, the captain came back in a good mood and ready to work.  He’s the best captain on the island. 

Well of course, Dumb and Dumber and the chica couldn’t finish the course.  It was a bit of a nightmare, the worst open water course that Mo and I have done.  Kala was pretty lucky getting in that crash so she didn’t have to teach the course.  We’ve been talking to other shops and all together we have the best story so far, but I’m sure there are worse.  Complete fucking fiasco.  Oh and the best part, the biggest fiasco is when it came time for them to pay.  Jeff was able to pay because I’m not sure he used the services of the chicas, but Jim had bills to pay all around town.  He had his hotel bill, a bill at a couple restaurants, the bill for the chicas (Dorte said “I don’t think they take credit cards”) and us as well; not for just one open water course, but for two.  He didn’t have enough cash and perhaps didn’t have enough in his bank account that day.  Since we, and most places in west end don’t take credit cards he had to charge it to one of the restaurants and then they will pay us back.  Sketchy, very sketchy.  It still makes us laugh though, plenty of jokes about doing specials with professional girls, underwater breathing activities etc.  They (Jeff and Jim) said they will come back (not so sure about the chica it might be a new one and more Spanish for me to speak).   Hopefully they won’t read this or sue me for defamation but I did change their names, they are the ones who bought the hookers, had a problem with the bill and boasted that they were so good.  Plus this is Honduras.  Please don’t sue me!  J

Oh and updates on the cute boy, remember I talked about him in the last blog?  Well yesterday I went over to his shop to “get info about his shop for my emergency assistance plan”.  We talked for about a half hour.  I got the feeling that he might have a girlfriend, but then this morning he was at our shop to “borrow” something from Uwe.  We’ll see, as I always say, plus my mom comes soon for a visit!  I’m so excited to hang out with her for a full week!  I’m trying to finish the DMT before then, finished all my tests just have to do my skills, rescue assessment and the stress test.  Oh joy.  More fiascos to come!

Adventures in Paradise

The two shop cats are missing.  I don’t mean to make my blog about mystery but the two shop cats Molly and Lowfat are missing.  Now it’s not uncommon for them to take a little adventure here and there and stay out for a couple of days but it’s been too long.  We haven’t seen them for almost 12 days.  Molly is a little cat; she looks like a kitten but in fact has been with Uwe and Dorte for a long time.  She has been at the shop when the old owner Tyll worked owned the shop.  Molly hangs out at the Blue Marlin all nite long, gets in fights with the local dogs and hangs out on the roof all day.  Whenever I would go into work a few minutes early she would greet me and wait for the shop to be open for some food.  Although she’s sweet, she can definitely hold her own.

Lowfat, well, he’s a different story.  He’s the meanest, finicky cat on the island.  He spends most of his day lying around on our weight belts, on the benches, on the table where we are taking tests and if you so much think about petting him or moving him you will 9 times out of ten get a scratch mark or a bite mark.  He’s a bit of a bipolar kitty; he looks so peaceful sleeping but will attack without any notice.  He also is out all night but always comes to the shop in the morning and all day to eat and lounge around. 

So they’ve been missing.  Now we are pretty sure they’ve gone to that light in the sky.  It's sad because people do poison animals here.  One lead Dorte had is that Valerie (who owns Valerie’s it’s a very cheap place aka back-packer’s paradise behind Tyll’s) said that her kitty was killed by one of her tenants recently, but he left before Molly and Lowfat went missing.  I like to think they are off on an adventure together.  Although they weren’t the best of friends, lets just imagine they are on a beach in Utilla catching some catnaps and catnip or in Cayos Cochinos learning to fish.  I hope they come back or at least some info, but the mystery for now still remains.

It rained again for almost 10 days straight, but the last few days have been beautiful.  We’ve been diving when we can and when weather (aka the waves) permits.  Recent adventures in diving have been with Kala and two cruise shippers.  One day it was gloomy out and  Kala and I took the two cruise shippers to Moonlight dive site.  The divers had finished their open water course about a year before in fresh water in the states.  They were a very nice couple, but as we all are at the beginning: they were beginners.  We get in the water and I feel the telltale sign of jellyfish.  Pricks, stings all over my body.  I tell Kala that there are Jelly’s all around, but it takes us a while to get below them because the divers need time to equalize.  When coming up after the dive Kala and I look up and there are Jelly’s surrounding the boat.  Underwater the stings on my skin show up purple, up and down my forearms and on my legs.  Ugh!  We come up and one of the divers starts puking.  It had been surge-y underwater and of course she wasn’t used to the waves.  I fear that she’s been stung like me, but seems to be just fine and ready for the next dive.

Brian and Stacy (two awesome divers who have a vacation home here and have been diving with us for a month) brave the elements.  We; Brian, Stacy, Kala, the two cruise divers and I go to Fantasy Reef for the second dive.  Fantasy Reef was named after a silly television show you might have heard called Fantasy Island which was filmed here in Roatan.  I never saw the show but apparently the show involved people who are single and have to be slutty enough for someone to ask them to stay with them so a nite so they won't get kicked off the island.  If someone didn’t pick you then you were kicked off.  Kinky Adventures is more like it.  Anyway, the dive was the worst dive I have been on.  It takes one of the cruise shippers 8 minutes to descend (which is a lot) and then when we get down to the reef I can barely make out the bubbles of the other divers, even though they are about 20 feet in front of me.  I stay with the cruise shippers as Kala tries to lead us around the reef.  I can barely see my own hands so staying with the couple proved very strenuous.  The runoff from West Bay and from the storm make the water look disgusting and have that warm and cold effect.  The cruise shippers run out of air before Brian and Stacy.  Kala and I had discussed that I would go up with them.  It was my first time leading my own 3 minute safety stop.  I tell the couple we are doing the 3 minute safety stop and turn for a second and the woman is jetting to the surface.  Kala tries to stop her, but she’s going up.  It’s called a safety stop for a reason.   The male cruise shipper sticks with me and when we ascend to the surface the wife is on the boat barfing her brains out.  Keep in mind that I only about a month ago finished my rescue training/Emergency First Response training and am freaking out that she’s not ok.  It turned out to be just sea sickness; but it was the worst dive I’ve had.

A few days later I saw my first octopus!  Yes, Daisy, an octopus, but I didn't have my camera.  A  freaking octopus in the middle of the day AND it swam with us for about 10 minutes.  We had to leave the octo because we were running low on air.  Chase led the dive to Herbie’s Place with me, Brian and Stacy and two new cruise divers.  Again, I was going to lead the 3 minute safety stop with the cruisers.  While underwater as Chase was signaling that he was going with Brian and Stacy and I was to take the cruisers up.  Chase pointed behind me to the octopus.  It was freaking amazing.  I looked back at Chase while doing a little jig underwater and filling up my mask because I’m smiling.  We swam with the octopus us for about 10 minutes or so.  It’s amazing how it can change it’s color the instant it lands on a new object.  I’m pretty sure octopus or is it octopi or octopussies, (no that can’t be right my word spell check says it’s wrong J,) anyway, I’m pretty sure cephalopods are brilliant.  There’s this one story where I’ve heard that there was this aquarium where they kept on losing fish each night.  They couldn't figure it out.  So finally they put in cameras near the tank and in the morning found that the octopus from a nearby tank was crawling out of his tank through a miniscule crack and climbing into the other tank and eating the fish.  Then climbing back into his tank when it was done.  I’m also a little obsessed with that Discovery Channel show about the Giant Squids.  The adventures that those cephalopods have are unknown; I’m sure they are the closes things to aliens or maybe they are aliens.  They kinda look like the aliens in movies, right?!

My DMT is moving along, I’ve passed physics and theory, physiology and dive equipment.  I have finished everything except one more test; environment and dive skills.  On Saturday I finished my stamina test.  The stamina test is a timed test where you swim 400 m with only a mask, 800 m with fins and a mask no arms allowed, a 15 minute tread with the last 2 minutes your hands out of the water and then a 100 m tired diver tow.  I thought for sure I would fail and have to do it again, but I surprised myself and passed.  Uwe said I aced it, well, not quite but I impressed myself.  The last part of my endurance test was to jump off the double docks.  Not required of course, (not PADI standards) but Kala said it is the “do you have balls” part of DMT.  And yes, I do have balls.  Although, technically speaking if I had balls they would have been crushed after jumping off the deck because I landed straight on my ass.  Assflop.  But lets be serious, I’m usually not suave, it's just not my nature.  On Friday, after a dive to finish DJ’s advanced course, I went to untie the boat from the mooring and fell in to the water.  I can’t help it if I’m too short!  It was pretty classic, and classy to watch.  I screamed the entire way going down.  Laughed all the way on the boat ride back.

Moving right along, outside of diving life has been pretty good.  With the rain there has been movie nights at the Blue Marlin.  The first northeastern came and everyone sat in rain gear watching “Zombieland” and some horrible blow-em-up and kill-em movie.  Then there was dancing at the Dive to the talented music of Brion James.  And then there was the night that I learned to play the guitar; er… the harmonica.  Yes the gd harmonicas.  They are here more than anywhere else I’ve ever been.  Well I have a picture of me playing the guitar, so lets say that I learned to play guitar.  Kala’s new roommate Joe let me pretend to play his guitar while wearing a cool hat and took a picture.  I make it look kinda good right?

The next adventures have been with boys.  Yay boys!  There’s Mr. 1, Mr. 2, Mr. 3 and Mr. 4 who are interesting, fun, I’m attracted to but maybe just as friends??  It’s the game, it’s the chase.  (Not to be confused with my friend Chase who loves Kala and she loves him... oh amor.)  Most importantly there is the mystery boy who I just learned his name this week.  He used to work across from us but now works at some dive shop with the name “Adventure” in it.  No dad, I’m not slutty just lustful.  I noticed "mystery boy" since I first got here, but, like all good things lets see if his personality matches his charming good looks.  If you are lucky or if I’m lucky, hell, if he’s lucky I’ll keep you posted.  It’s all adventure.

The Gypsy, the Frenchie and the Game

Disclaimer:  The following story may or may not be entirely true, speculation is involved and names have been changed.  If you love the game or the movie CLUE you’ll like this story.

So the craziest shit really does happen to me; case and story.  

Cast of Characters:

The gypsy: the new girl in town who wears long skirts

EJ: the new soon to be dmt

Vinny: recent DM, totally cool dude

Sarah: the best instructor ever along with Monet (awesome female instructor)

Fish: Instructor, musical man, bro man

Prince: musical master and genius

Monet: Bartender at Bar C, cool lady and instructor

Claude: Monet’s husband, bartender at Bar C

Ken: Bartender at Bar B

The frenchie: crazy French chic

Twist: Frenchie’s boyfriend

Me: Me

Chances are you’ve been had once in your life.  Something has happened where you speculate, did it really happen, no couldn’t be, but then all the signs point to yes; you’ve been conned.

The gypsy walks into our life to do some dives at our shop.  We call her the gypsy because she doesn’t have a permanent address and wears long gypsy skirts.  She’s a super cool chic, fun, nice, easy to talk to, adventuresome and fits in with our group.  She’s innocent enough and has had a rough couple of years and is so happy and grateful to be on the beautiful island with us.  We have some awesome dives with her; we hang out with her after and have some good fun although something was lost along the way.

Scene one:  Night at bar A

The gypsy is staying near Sarah and the gypsy shows up at her house before they go out.  While getting ready, Sarah takes a picture and leaves her camera on the table.  We go out and have a great night out.  Sarah and the gypsy meet Vinny, EJ, Monet, Claude and I at bar C for a few drinks.   We then head to bar A because Prince, the local musician is playing.  At bar A, we dance the night away to the music.  Claude did some air guitar.  Sarah, the gypsy and I dance and even get Vinny to dance with us.  The next morning Sarah realizes that her camera is gone.   The camera couldn’t have just walked away.  She was a little drunk the night before, but remembers not leaving the house with it, she swears she left it on the table.  Sarah checked everywhere in her small apartment but can’t find it.  Where could it have gone?  If someone came in and stole her stuff they would have taken her laptop as well.

Scene two: Night at bar B

It’s stormy out.  It’s raining and instead of going to bar A or C, which is where we usually go we decide to mix it up and go to bar B.  Ken works at Bar B and is a good friend of Sarah.  The bar is out of the way, it’s on the iron shore and breathtaking; absolutely beautiful.  The storm rolls in and out all night while the waves crash against the shore that makes loud crashes and sprays of white foam, very picturesque.  The bar is small with a square shaped bar.

Ken serves beers to Sarah, Vinny, the gypsy and I.  Fish comes by with his guitar.  He’s going to do his first live gig for the 5 of us and any other random people who come in.  Fish stands up on the bar and starts jamming.  He sounds a little like Bob Dylan and we are sitting at the bar listening while and watching while the waves in the background crash against the shore.

Prince enters the bar unexpectedly and finds Ken’s extra guitar and Fish and Prince start playing together.  Then Fish and Prince decide to do a friendly battle, although Fish is the underdog he holds his own, especially with his harmonica.  Fish says that he recently bought these harmonicas from the states.  They are professional and he has a set that goes from A to F.  During one song, Prince decides to change from the D harmony to F, Fish hands the harmonica to Ken.  Ken places the harmonica on the bar.  The next song that requires the D harmonica, Ken and Fish cannot find it.  It didn’t just walk away.  We check everywhere and they check the trash.  Can’t find the DHarmonica. Where did it go?

Scene three: Bar C

The gypsy is leaving so we decide to celebrate her last night by going to our favorite bar; Bar C.  Claude and Monet are working behind the bar all night.  EJ, Vinny, Sarah, Fish, the gypsy and I are dancing on tables.  We laugh, we sing, we dance.  The gypsy says that she has had a great time with us and she says she’s buying us drinks all night. 

EJ talks to a couple at the bar; the frenchie and to her boyfriend Twist, and invite them to come and dance with us.  Claude had told me that earlier in the day she was quite reserved and proper, but now with a few drinks in her the Frenchie is a little hard to handle, she’s a bit of a pistol.  We are dancing and she hugs me and then bites my neck.  She punctures my neck and leaves a bruise.  What the f?  Excuse me!  Dirty vampire, what if I get hepatitis C?  EJ says that now I have bitchatitis C. Twist is silently sipping on his drink with no care in the world while watching his crazy girlfriend. 

Next Frenchie dances with EJ.  She gets in his face and then boom, she jams one of her fingers up his nose.  Boom; she jabs the other into his other nostril.  Then she pulls them out and thrusts her fist in his mouth.  She runs off to Twist, then as she’s running back to get another drink at the bar, (definitely a good idea for her at this point) she falls over the side of the deck and almost lands in the water.  Her white dress flings over her head.  At the bar, she takes off one of her shoes.  Claude jokes that he should put her drink in the shoe, it’s a custom for bachelors in his homeland.  He places the drink in the glass in her shoe as a joke.  She looks at Claude, laughs and pours her drink from the glass into her shoe, then drinks out of the shoe.  She’s absolutely crazy.  Then frenchie and her boyfriend Twist exit the bar.

Bar C is closing up.  Since it’s the gypsy’s last night she asks Monet and Claude if they will have a drink with us after they close the bar.  They say yes after they count the money in the till.  The night was very good and Claude and Monet made $xxx in tips.  We are all waiting by the couches waiting for them to join us.  While counting, the gypsy enters the kitchen where Monet is counting.  The gypsy comes back and says that they are still counting the money.  About 15 minutes go by, the gypsy asks me… “do you think we should leave?”  I tell her, “Let me go check.”  I go up to Claude and Monet, they are searching in the kitchen for something they have lost.  What could it be?  I ask “did you lose something important?”  Claude informs me that “Darling, we are missing the tip money and the gypsy stole it.”  Unsure and a little drunk, I go back to the group.  The gypsy asks me what is going on and I say that they are missing money, she then asks me if we should give them money.  I say why?

The night ends, we say a tearful goodbye and many hugs to the gypsy.  She says that she’s had one of the greatest times of her life with us.  She’s coming back and we can’t wait to see her.

Scene  4: subsequent days pass

Well, it took a few days for it to all come together.  We speculated about did she or didn’t she.  Then Claude told us that the gypsy hit on him and tried to kiss him at his bar with people watching.  Claude and Monet are married, the gypsy has played with their kid and has dove all week with Monet.  Not too cool even if you are blacked out drunk.  No excuses there.  Logically it all makes sense, but how could someone who we all became such good friends with do something like that?  It’s a mystery, it’s a game, it’s like the board game Clue.

Which brings me to the Game.  A few days later Sarah, Vinny and I decide after playing the board game Clue that we should make up a game.  The result is a little silly.  It’s like the game Clue, the board is a map of the town we live in, just one street with Bars A and C on it.  In the game you have to figure out who kissed who where.  Well, lets be serious it’s not who kissed who but my mom does read this blog so lets keep it a little reserved.  The Game is hilarious and makes me feel like in another life I’d be a great detective or spy. 

With all the mystery surrounding us we still wonder who stole the camera, who stole the Dharmonica and who stole the money… 

Like the game Clue there are many different options or endings to the story.

Option A:  Was it the gypsy, did she do it to steal because she didn’t have money, did she steal because she’s an opportunist and although the items that were taken aren’t huge money makers she could still get some money for them in the black markets of Central America.  Were we completely had, just another dollar earned 

Option B:  Was it option A with a twist?  Did she do it but then regret it?  She really did like us and have a fantastic time.  Will she come back with the camera, harmonica and money and say sorry guys?

Option C: She stole the items, but it was her first stealing.  She stole because she wanted something to remember us by?

Option :  The camera was stolen, only by someone else who was in Sarah’s house but then got spooked and left before taking something else.  The harmonica was stolen by someone else at Bar C, or it fell into the trash and they didn’t look for it hard enough and now it’s in a landfill or on it’s way.  And the money, hmmm, lets say it was windy and somehow blew away. 

The silver lining in the story (if you know me, then you know there is always a silver lining) is that we all became closer during the fiasco.  We laugh and speculate it now, it's a pretty good story.  And for me the gypsy gave more than she took, but then again she didn't take anything from me (at least I don't think I'm missing anything).  Could it all be a coincidence?  What do you think?

****UPDATE****

Sarah found her camera behind her liquor bottles in her apartment... but the DHarmonica, money and the almost kiss still stand.

a typical day in pictures

certification dive for DJ and Athena

dolphins

Kala tells Max, "here play with this, pretend it's a cell phone"

max you've got something on your face... hours of entertainment

when it's cold we sit at the bar and drink coffee

thank you for being a friend

Chillin at the Blue Marlin

Lets start with last nite?  The last nite was new years eve!  It was a big night for a few reasons… 1. Last day of the year, 2. Last day of the decade, 3. Full Moon, 4. Blue Moon (when you have two full moons in a month… “it only happens once in a blue moon”), 5. Lunar eclipse (which I’m not sure we actually saw one, I think we only saw a moon dog which Kala told me about which is like a sun dog which is when the sun has a halo around it, therefore a moon dog is when the moon has a halo around it as well- not to be confused with my parents dog moon).  Statistically, a blue moon occurs every 2 and ½ years, a blue moon lunar eclipse occurs every 15 to 20 years and a New Years Eve occurs every 19 years and most importantly # 6. New Years was the last day of my malaria medication which meant that I could finally drink, my liver only felt a little bad this morning, but as Ed told me today when he gave me a beer at Sundowners you have to work up your tolerance again.  And of course, most importantly New Years was awesome because my bomb ass friends Amelia and Marissa came down for a visit.  

luna, lunita, lunera

So last nite, New Years Eve, we had an amazing dinner at the Dive.  I had blackened snapper with rice and vegetables and horseradish with bonito for an appetizer… it was a treat for the last night of the year.  Olaf was excited to have a big group for dinner at his place and the food was delish!  All of us, Marissa, Amelia, Kala, Chase, Massimo, Noelle, and Gabriel (plus Athena and two frenchies- the French guys… more about them later) went over to the Blue Marlin.  It was good to not be tired and to have alcohol again, no more ordering only soda J  We all danced and drank the night away, we jumped between the Marlin, the Dive where the local West End Players were playing all nite and to the dance spot Nova.  Two of my friends might have had a great time with the frenchies, I'm not gonna name names, but I think there might have been some frenchy behavior.  There was no count down at the Blue Marlin, just fireworks going off and then fire dancers on the dock and then Olliebollen (a dutch benigee or donut with raisins… yummy perfect drinking partner).  Happy 2010!

Kala, me, Marissa and Amelia on New Years

New Years Eve day was pretty awesome too!  Marissa was supposed to get her Open Water Certification while she was here, but got a horrible ear infection which burst her eardrum, but I’m glad she was able to fly.  Amelia, Kala, Chase, Massimo, Athena and I went on the first dive of the day.  We went to the Aguila ship wreck.  It was Amelia’s first wreck dive and my first time to the Aguila since I’ve been here.  The Aguila, Spanish for the eagle, lies about 30 m or 110 ft below, it was a cargo ship that ran aground in 1997 in Utila, one of the other islands in the Bay Islands.  After Hurricane Mitch who broke the boat into 3 parts in 1998, the Aguila was moved to Roatan for additional dive sites.  The site is usually very populated with divers, but we had a great group and we saw eels, tons of groupers (a local dive resort Anthony’s Keys feeds them), 4 flamingo tongues and Chase swears he saw a frog fish and I saw a barracuda.  It was great diving with friends only and the dive was awesome. 

The second dive was for our students Athena and DJ at Moonlight.  Athena is just getting her advanced certification and we all think she’ll be back soon to get her rescue and to be a DMT.  She came for only Christmas and now has extended her stay three times, we are super stoked that she choose us instead of another dive shop.  There was a bet between Kala and Chase with Rino to see who she would get her certification with and not only did we win, but she's a cool girl as well.  As DJ would call her she's a NFF- new friend forever.  DJ is our newest student who is the most studious Open Water student any of us have seen and will be a DMT soon enough!  He already makes me look bad. J  Mo was teaching DJ and I was assisting and Kala, Massimo and Chase were helping with Athena with her Peak Performance Buoyancy which is pretty much having fun underwater.  There was picture taking and lots of shenanigans.  All in good fun.  I’ll try and steal some of Kala’s pictures to put them up.  The best part of the second dive… Dolphins!  Big beautiful and awesome.  The last dive of the day was the last dive for Massimo and Gabriel.  They leave on the second for Switzerland and will be missed.  Again more pictures were taken and we drifted along.

Christmas Jaeger Shots

Lets back up now to Christmas, I’m jumping around but you can keep up can’t you?  Christmas eve we had a dinner at our place.  Massimo, Gabriel, Robert, Kala and Lindey came (remember that I live with Chase and Noelle so they were already here).  I was still getting over my fing malaria so the rest of them drank the night away and I got to eat cheese.  I brought lactaid pills with me for those special occasions and I figured that Christmas eve while I had malaria was gonna be the best time.  Massimo and Noelle had a cook off, they are such great cooks.  We had brie, I had brie in a bread bowl with garlic cloves and it was heaven.  For the main meal we had pork roast, fettucini with gorgonzola sauce, fresh vegetables, mashed potatoes and Caesar salad… heaven.  I stayed up really late, almost till 2 am, which is amazing since I have been going to bed at 10 every nites since the malaria started. 

Maxi the red nosed Reindeer

Christmas brought a wonderful gift for me.  Marissa arrived at 10 am.  It was so great seeing her, we became friends through Amelia in Brooklyn back in the day and I haven’t seen her in over 3 years.  Again, it was such a blessing to have her especially with the bursted ear drum we thought she might not be able to make it.  Christmas was low key, but good.  Everyone was supposed to do a Christmas dive, but our boat captain got a little too drunk the night before, as did everyone else but me and decided that it was best not to come in.  Everyone was bummed because they were going to wear santa hats and reindeer antlers, but at least Max had fun with them, they entertained him for a few days.  I was a little dumb and tried to eat the Caesar salad without a lactaid pill… it smelled so good but ended up throwing up all night.  Poor Marissa.  

Amelia came the next day around 5 and we had a nice dinner and then the next day we went to West bay for a beach day.  I was dumb again… didn’t bring my mask and snorkel and bumped my foot against some coral which made my foot bleed.  I probably did more damage to the coral than to my foot which makes me bummed.  The girls made an amazing stir fry dinner and but then I was up all night again with stomach cramps and throwing up.  On Monday I tried snorkeling with Marissa but then ended up throwing up, I decided it must be the medicine for the malaria and I should ask the doctor if he could give me anything.  The next day Marissa and I went to the doctors.  She was going to see if she could dive, her dr had said that she could, but everyone including her sister who is a doctor said that it was unlikely.  I was going because the malaria medication was destroying my insides, eating is hard enough when your lactose intolerant.  The drugs were the cure, the next day I did DJ’s first open water dive.  The night before was rainy and there was a major surge causing us to be bounced back and forth underwater.  The visibility wasn’t that great, but I didn’t feel sick and DJ did great and said it was indescribable is first time in open water.  DJ is a character, he’s very animated, he’s super stoked about diving and was a broadcast/journalist or something like that from Canada so his voice is very unique too.  Oh Canada.

It's been so great having friends here.  It reminds me of a song my friend Randy used to love, or at least wanted to make a cover of the golden girls theme song... thank you for being a friend, traveled down the road and back again, my heart is true your a pal and confidant.  And if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say... thank you for being a friend. dun nuh nuh dun nuh nuh dun nuh nuh nuh nuh.  I'm so glad they came!  It made me getting over malaria so much better and more reason to celebrate the holidays with new and old friends.

 me and Marissa